Red Fantasy

I want him inside of me now. As I sit at my kitchen table, friend beside me, dual laptops, I just read his response to my blogging, and I want him now. I want everyone to be gone from here, though I love my friends staying over... I wouldn't even care actually. I could be quiet. I could just trace his entire body with my fingers and kiss him until he stopped me. I could kiss those lips for hours. I could kiss him all over for hours. Quietly. Just listening to the faint sound of his breath as my non-verbal cues. Even if they heard, they wouldn't care. I wouldn't care. I just want him.

Today was fun. I drank too much with my friends. We played cards until just now. I found a beautiful organic basil plant. I can not wait to plant it tomorrow.

And again he creeps into my consciousness. Submissive, he says. Entices me. And then says he's also dominant. I am very, very interested in relinquishing control to the right person. It's a side of me I've never explored. And I am so very eager for experience.

I think sexuality and sex are odd phenomena. So much of our desire and innate urges are denied, conditioned out or just plain suppressed. Same as organic things, such as body hair, defecation, sexual desire, etc. It's all perfectly natural and shared among all humans. Yet these are the things which we deny so strongly, in so many ways. I just want to not be that way. I don't need to worry so much about it. I know who I am in most ways, and I am open sexually. I want to explore more, and I can't deny my attractions.

He attracts me, and I just want to touch myself when I think about him. I want him to touch me. He does so well.

*re-reading this, remembering, I am so swollen and needing to be touched. I will touch myself now. Somehow, though I am not alone. It can be done.